Slowly, we’re emptying boxes. Just yesterday we unpacked all of our books. We fixed the sink, got a couch, got bedroom furniture. I picked out accent pillows that I cared about for the first time in my life. We have a coffee table and end tables and new lamps. The cats are comfortable. The basement room is really coming along. We got new doors for the laundry room. We got drapes and new lights for the kitchen. The painting is finished besides Jordan’s office project and the trim. The bigly list of things to do grows smaller every day. Except I just decided that I want a new backsplash and to paint the kitchen cabinets now.
But I’m stressed every day, I have vision but little direction. I get discouraged, I get sad and down. I have to constantly remind myself that I have time. I will find that rug. I will find the perfect couch. I will get the kitchen remodeled. I will do all of this. I don’t have to do all of this at one time. I don’t know my style. I haven’t found a niche. I want so many things.
Our neighborhood is so wonderful. Every house is different. There’s so many people that ride bikes and run and walk their dogs. I feel I can raise a family here. I feel that our home is going to bring us so much happiness. I can’t wait to have a nice space in the back yard for grilling. I want a fire pit for smores and hot dogs and my cast iron pudgie maker. I want to plant my pepper plants, hopefully I will grow a bell pepper worth a damn this summer.
But I miss writing, I miss finding things to write about. I miss watching films, I miss cooking. I’m tired of seeing perfect homes and toddlers on instagram. I just want to get back to normal and have my own perfect home. And toddler.