August 20, 2017
It’s been a long time since we’ve had a weekend that was spent being v lazy. The only thing that could have made it better would have been a thunderstorm, we haven’t had a good one in awhile.
I started a new position in the bank this summer and I have to wake up earlier, it’s alright but I never truly feel rested anymore. On the weekends I take a dose of melatonin and thereby achieve what I have dubbed that melatonin sleep that helps me get back to where I feel human again. Yesterday AND today I slept until 9am, something I haven’t done in what feels like years. I loved it. I feel good. And I want to write.
I loved the Sunday Diary series I started a few months ago, but I have stopped pushing myself to write. It’ll come when it needs to. Like other things.
My hair is considerably shorter than the last Sunday Diary. I always do this to myself, but I really hope to have it grown out again by winter. Jordan’s hair is getting long, too. He’s started pushing it back with my headbands and it’s the cutest thing. My great aunt says (every time she sees him or a picture of him) he just keeps getting better looking with age! I agree of course, but he’s been the most handsome man I’ve ever seen since 16. Additionally, our cat Jaq has been hamming it up lately.
August is a special month, three of the most important people in my life were born during it. My husband, my uncle, and my pawpaw. Today we joined them and the rest of the fam for celebratory Mexican food. I felt a little out of my element. I was surrounded by people I love but a sadness came over me that I couldn’t shake. I’m sad writing this now, it’s difficult to explain.
Nana brought jordan his pecan pie and cheesecake bites for the rest. I can’t even remember what we talked about. I love seeing my family, as broken as it has been, attempt to be one now. There are still parts of us that are missing, and expectations that fall on some of us that just can’t measure up. But we’re here. We smile when we’re together even though we cry on our drives back home.
My grandfather is 69 today. It is an immense understatement that he has been the one man in my life to be there for me since birth, and there is not a man that can replace him. The last few years have been rough for him medically, but he’s making it. The recent passing of an internet friends’ grandfather has placed me in this strange place – loving someone that is still here but missing them as if they have gone.
It’s Sunday night which means it’s Game of Thrones night y’all. Thanks for reading my sad existential empath thoughts. Have a good week!